Posted 12th, Janaury, 2013
Yesterday, in my rush to get my garbarge out the gate, I hurried down my stairs just in time to remember to run back up for my gate keys. It was while running back up my next door neighbor decided to ask" "Whey di go an with you?" don't know his name, never spoke to him before in any serious conversation. This happened on Friday, January 11th, 2013 early morning. Previous to this, he was railing about him " no bother nobody" and fucking this and that. I turned to him while passing to go to my house from my mom and said, " I don't know what you are talking about" and walked off. This happened on 5th January, 2013. For the record, every night, my gate has to be locked because I have had my car window smashed, car battery stolen in August, 2012 and experience constant threats that just gets tiring.
I reported in my diary on 16th May, 2011 that I had an encounter with a hispanic or East Indian looking man in police uniform, he was the driver of the truck who said, You da Belizean! I said, "Yeeeees!" He then replied, " faggot! no bring no faggot thing yah!" He then proceeded to drive off unto a Banak Street address from Central American Boulevard where they did a house search. While I am grateful that the 9 other men kept quiet who were in green camaflouge uniforms and with their sub-machine guns, the idea that an officer of the state, of the police department would willfully abuse his uniform to harrass me because of my sexuality and what I was doing in our Supreme Court was mind-blowing for it creating a sense of paranoia about my personal safety. The one that messes with my head is my stoning. I don't do crowds, rarely go out much in Belize, except if it is a gay event which is rare and for meetings. The right to movement, expression and association isnt a distant concept, it is a struggle to excercise as I have to deal with insults and threats to ensure I can freely move on the streets. It s freedom house that facilitated my car, but it is my sister, loud and defensive of me who keeps me safe, who drives me around. Who will not be able to drive me aorund anymore by the end of the month as she owes back taxes on property that she could not possible pay as it is link to her drivers license. I will have to learn to drive, depsite my anxiety driving in Belize City. Being in crowds, seeing a person walking next to me.
So back to the garbage story, I remembered that I bagged my garbage, so, quickly returned to pick it up and threw it over the fence, realizing that there was a possibility that the garbage men would not pick it up, I tried to holla, but to no avail and being fully aware that one of the sanitation workers were homophobic because of a previous incident, I tried to jump my very high fence. In the pursuit of the idea, I lost my grip, gashed my left hand, fell on my fat ass, and betrayed my pride. I was in pain, but still worried about my garbage, finally, the female neighbor next door told them about it and they picked it up.
This was on top of knowing my brother needed me to deliver food that he was trying to fundraise to support his brain surgery because he has a brain tumor that needed to get out within the next three months. We got through the day and I realised that I needed to take care of my hand. I decided to ask my sister to drop me off and she took the responsibility along with my office assistant to go give lunches to the homeless folks at battlefield park. While at Port Loyola, I had some children sitting at a green house directly across the clinic yelling the usual homophobic slangs. So I returned int the clinic to wait for my sister return. She reached just in time before the clinic closed, but while waiting previous to her arrival, I saw a young man in red short pants, no more than 17 pick up a while liquor bottle posing directly below the verandah. As I watched, I took pictures of the house, his poses and got the sinking feeling the bottle was for me. Paranoid as hell, I stayed within the confines of the clinic until the last minute. Today, while returning from the gas station after buying two snack bar, credit and a card and while walking on banak street towards my house, a fool from no where decided to throw a stone my way. Don;t know him from adam, but he decided, I was worth the effort. There was also a cyclists sit in the gas station who was saying, " babe, love. keep up the work!"previous to this, I smiled and moved on. It amazes me that I have become afraid of so many things and have cemented by life down to natural causes, bullets or an accidental HIV infection. It is hope that I die of natural cause. In the mean time, I am under a lot of pressure to keep myself in one piece, now, its about ensuring I see the case to the bitter end.